Not an interview with Steve Albini

I'm sitting down here with Steve Rudzinski, a driving force behind Dark Mullet Cinema and 2814 productions, creator of Deadpool: The Fan Film as well as Deadpool 2: Another Fan Movie. I have exclusive rights (term translated loosely) to conduct this interview with the man behind the mask and in front of the lens, one of the most revolutionary and monolithic filmmakers of our time, Steve Roodzinnsky, errr, something. Taking a deep breath, nervous due to the fact that he is polishing a rather large sword at the time of this interview, with a wall of weapons at his back, I swallow hard and ask my first question.

A Ball Of Pop Culture With Some Arms And Feet: So, what was the impetus for making not one, but two Deadpool fan films?

Steve Rudzinski: To answer most basically, the first one has well over 100 thousand views and STILL has a good rating. VG Spoofs didn't get that many views, so I wanted to make something that would get a lot of views again. Plus with the Wolverine movie showing the general public 'Deadpool', I felt this was the best time to make another

ABOPCWSAAF : So I take it you're a pretty big fan of the character?

SR: Definitely has been my number 1 comic book character for a very long time.

ABOPCWSAAF: Do you feel that this says something about your personal levels of sanity? Also, please put down that fish.

SR: There's a little Wade Wilson in us all, an out of control whack job that just loves to have fun. But I'd say I have a little more than others.

ABOPCWSAAF: And how do you feel about Canadian film and television actors who posted their breakthrough roles on sitcoms called "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place?"

SR: I think that Ryan Reynolds guy is dreamy. And that I miss the pizza place.

ABOPCWSAAF: Certainly a loss which has created a void in many of our hearts. How do you respond to those that say you are one of, if not THE, preeminent filmmaker of our (Eastern Standard) time?

SR: I say that they're saying the truth. As more people see my art, more will agree. And then I'll make millions.

ABOPCWSAAF: Of Deadpool fan films?

SR: What else could I be referring to? We can't depend on Fox, can we? I'd say by the 5000th, we'll get Ryan Reynolds on board.

ABOPCWSAAF: And perhaps his spouse as well. Speaking of which, the question that's on everyone's mind: Scarlett Johanssen - Yes or Mega-Yes?

SR : Sadly, I can only give a yes.

ABOPCWSAAF: We turn our discussion to comics. What are your thoughts on Dick Grayson (who we know as the original Bob, Agent of Hydra who debuted in Detective Comics #38) becoming the new Deadpool Upon Wade's disintegration by Dan Didio's Omega Beams?

SR: The thing with Dick is that he was always a fantastic side kick to Wade. Was always there in the thick and thin and was the only person sometimes to tell Deadpool when he was wrong. And in Dick's own book "Bob: Agent of Hydra: The Fallen", he really came into his own as a character. So if someone COULD replace Wade Wilson as Deadpool, it's the former "Bob". That being said, the first issue of "Deadpool & Weasel" was pretty lame.

ABOPCWSAAF: I didn't realize this would degrade into blasphemy. I happen to be a fan of Morris Grantinson. [Editor's note: Within an hour of this post, Google searches for "Morris Grantinson" have increased a thousandfold] Speaking of which, what writers in any Medium influenced your writing?

SR: Stephen Chow honestly has such a fantastic ability to take a serious story and add zany characters with fantastic humor, while still retaining a very real lesson. Also, Steve Oedekirk is insanely hilarious. Sam Raimi also (at least before Spidey 3) had an uncanny ability to make his movies great fun, no matter what they were.

ABOPCWSAAF: Albeit to a rather limited audience, are there any future projects that you want to take this time to hype? Like maybe the best concept for . . . anything ever?

SR: Big Bloody Tits.

ABOPCWSAAF: Did we hear you correctly?

SR: Yes.

SR: Horror/comedy which will hopefully start filming in Spring of 2010

ABOPCWSAAF: More news on that A-bomb of a project as it becomes available, folks. Any words of advice to . . . anyone, really?

SR: Follow your dreams even if you have to give into the cold harsh reality. Also, keep it under a million and get one named actor. Slashers sell easier than anything.

ABOPCWSAAF: One final question. Everyone has their idols, of course, but there's one powerhouse of pop culture we can all agree is adored worldwide. What was it like to work with THE Derek R0th3rmund?

SR: He talked with his hands a lot. And he demanded a lot of stuff for who I consider a no name actor. Then some guy messed with the lights, so Derek just swore at the dude. But then Christan Bale showed up and swore at Derek for swearing at the DP. It was pretty awesome.

ABOPCWSAAF: I don't care what anybody says, that guy does not own the night! Fuck him! Errr . . . I'd like to thank you for sharing your time with us tonight.

SR: Absolutely, it was a pleasure to be here.

ABOPCWSAAF: I am in no way affiliated with the nobel committee, but I will see what I can do to get you the Nobel Prizes for cooperation, and . . . hilarity, and . . . nice hair.

SR: So long as I get it for hair, I'm cool.

Wii-tarded

After sustaining a fair amount of injuries (getting punched in the face, smashing a light fixture, rolling into someone's legs and subsequently having them fall on me, etc.) I have come to the conclusion that, although mostly marketed for children and the health-obsessed adults having a mid-life crisis the only cure for which can be ridiculous technology, the Wii is serious business. And although Wii sports gives you the opportunity to feel like you are actually bowling, boxing, golfing, et. al. in your own living room, there are several other technologies that I suggest incorporating into the Wii-mote (a word, I would like to point out that spell-check didn't pick up, meaning that presumably it is in the dictionary) thereby making it the video game equivalent of a swiss army knife.

1. Microphone compatability - With the popularity of full band and karaoke games on the rise, Wii should cash in on this fad by putting a mic into the Wii-mote. Sing while dancing, like the pop radio sensations of today. Nu-Metal stomp through some awful alternative drivel while growling lyrics about your latest heartbreak. There can even be an MTV interview mini-game.

2. Motion Senstitive foot pads - Did somebody say Wii-Brawl? Slap these suckers on your feet, and fighting games just gained a new level of intensity. Cripple any dogs or children that get in your way as you roundhouse kick your opponents into submission. Destroy lamps to death while tiger-uppercutting Bison. Local co-op gets grisly as you face off against your friend and beat the hell out of him - in person and in the game. Don't wear out your foot pads from kicking everyone's ass all the time.

3. Dance pad - With both your hands and feet in the game, imagine a 3-D Dance Dance Revolution. Flail all 4 limbs around while Asians demonstrate their superiority in the digital world. Slam dance to your hearts content with such classic dance moves as the Gorilla picking up Change and the Pizza-Boy.

4. Test Dummy - Stealth kill with the greatest of ease. Using the dummy in place of your opponents, sneak up behind it and use the cord between your Wii-mote and nunchuck as garrot wire. Stab at vital organs as if it were a dagger. Perform flawless decapitations. The possibilities are limitless.

5. Jet pack - Ever noticed how the controller set up looks exactly like the controls that prototype jet packs use? Maybe a Rocketeer game? Or an Iron Man that doesn't blow dogs?

6. Light bulb attachments - Ever want the thrill of being an air-traffic controller but without the possibility of millions of lives lost? Commit Mii-Genocide by directing a plane full of the adorable bastards right into the airport terminal.

7. Wii-Phone - It already starts with an i. It's a phone, an mp3 player, and you can control your clunky-ass games with it. Need Red Steel not to suck so bad? There's . . . uhhh . . . actually there ISN'T an app for that.

Now enjoy my 2 favorite Wii-related videos.

Peter Milligan knows the difference between a hawk and a handsaw?

So I recently discovered a writer. Not entirely true, I've read his stuff before, but I've just never made that mental connection that he wrote all these books I have and like. His name is Peter Milligan, and he's a surrealist genius with a true ear for dialogue. Now, I did just hear you all go "Dude! Shade! Everybody knows Milligan from that." So, seriously, keep it down, I have music fucking blaring and I heard that. But, somehow, Mr. self-proclaimed connoisseur of the bizarre missed out on this love letter to insanity up to this point. I am, almost 20 years, after the series debuted, on issue 9 of the ongoing. No spoilers, please. I am also aware that his groundbreaking (and out of print) run on X-Force was particularly well-liked by fans. This is a brilliant series which made the X-Men (or X-Force and later X-Statix) into a brand-name, like Old Navy or McDonalds. I'll admit, this breaks from the long-lived convention of the world hating mutants in favor of them being a fad. But nearly everything which was at any time universally reviled was discovered and fetishized by a counter-culture somewhere along the line. Plus, dispensable mutants without particularly useful powers make for a riot of an understated action story. What really impressed me to no end, though was Rogan Gosh, published in the first six issues of Revolver magazine with art by Brendan McCarthy, a science-fiction tribute to Indian Comics, Indian food, and In . . . sanity. With the characters not knowing what is real (to them/fake to us) and what is fake (to them and us.) 4th wall breaking abounds and the two main characters might be one and the same (or not, depending on your interpretation.) He also penned Vertigo's re-imagining of Human Target and Weird Western Tales (which lives up to its name) as well as bringing a refreshing mix of of heart and genuine talent to more mainstream titles like Detective comics, X-Men, JLA Classified, Elektra and Spider-Man's Tangled Web. I know today's installment was low on jokes, but that's because I'm so utterly in awe of the man's brilliance. I did just fart though, if that makes it better.