"Blackest Nights" of Pop Culture?

Let me explain this real quick. In honor of Blackest Night, DC's ultra-manic, all-summer-long crossover event which is shaping up to be the coolest in a long-ass time, I got the idea (Well, Joe and I got the idea) to do a Short blurb on eight video games based on DC's eight lantern corps. Barring laziness or a quick suicide after hours of madness pondering how to pluralize "corps" this will hopefully expand into a series covering TV series, movies, books, bands, etc. I add etc. so that if you want to see one of these lists for any other topic, comment a request and if it's something I'm well-versed in, I'll go ahead and do one up for you. Let's face it, I just love picking apart pretty much any topic.

Since video games was the discussion topic when this idea popped up, we'll start there. The rest of you media formats, be warned. I'm coming for you next.

Lantern Code:
Red - Rage
Orange - Avarice
Yellow - Fear
Green - Willpower
Blue - Hope
Indigo - Compassion
Violet - Love
Black - Death

Red Lantern: Stuntman
I am more furious at Stuntman than any game that has ever existed. This stunt-driving simulator takes the most zen like reflexes to even pass the games myriad over-the-top (of a bus full of children on fire) missions, let alone excel at them. Remember how Anakin Skywalker is the only human who can Podrace, due to his Jedi Relexes and insanely high midichlorian count? Well, that kid would be beyond fucked playing this game. OF all games for all systems I've ever owned in my life and played both on and off my medication, this is the one that has caused the most broken controllers (guitars excluded, because I smash those fuckers like Pete Townsend.) Atari published this game, obviously, to force everyone who still remembers the travesty that was E.T. to commit suicide out of frustration. Everyone else that it hits, that it gets to, is nothing more than collateral damage. (That line was stolen.)

Orange Lantern: Beautiful Katamari
BEst concept ever. Hands down. Roll up increasingly massive objects (and living things) in a sticky ball, and send it up in the sky. The first game was off-the-wall in a way that Grant Morrison, David Lynch, and The Residents could only dream of. The first game was ceaselessly fun, as was the second - We love Katamari. The series made it's Microsoft debut with Beautiful Katamari. Still fun? Absolutely! However, it felt like it shipped as a partial game. A depressing number of levels, and very little diversity in the "stuff" you're rolling up. This game has made seemingly no improvements on games of last generation's consoles. Well, DLC is available for 200 MS Points for each level ($2.50 for a single level) which is not too bad except that the DLC is only 384 kb of data. Suspicious yet? This means that the levels were already on the disc and you are paying for a key to unlock them. Lame, guys. Real lame. I can just picture the King of All Cosmos and his bulging crotch hugging the Orange power battery, yelling "MINE! MINE!! MINE!!!"

Sinestro: Fatal Frame 2: Crimson Butterfly
Let me start out by pointing out that the twin sisters who act as protagonists for this game look a lot like grown-up versions of the children from the grudge, and these are supposed to be the friendliest faces in the game. This game is creepy. This game will make you afraid of butterflies. This game outshines nearly any horror movie in existence. To make matters worse (or better) this game is far from your traditional survival horror. Your character is equipped with an antique camera that can exorcise ghosts. SO it is not an option to simply lob a grenade and hide, or outright run from the game's various grotesqueries, all the while attempting not to cry ( . . . um, which is what . . . my . . . girlfriend does, yeah, that's it! What my girlfriend does!) You actually must stand up, look 'em dead in the eye (sorta) occasionally zoom in, and snap, capturing that image on film, in your mind, and probably in your nightmaress forever. However, this is one game that's worth a couple dream therapy sessions.

Green Lantern: Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
I was in a bar with my friend, Caesar, musing about how much game is actually packed into Lego Star Wars (about 30-40 hours for 100%, which is fantastic for a game aimed at children.) And he stopped my story dead by bringing up a game that we, for good reason, banned as a topic of discussion. Oblivion. "I've sunk 126 hours into one character. And I have two others." I anyone of you just laughed at that statement or felt sorry for him, you have obviously never played Oblivion. Those enlightened few of us simply shook our heads, completely understanding his predicament. Oblivion is huge. Massively huge. I cannot overstate how focused and full of will you must be to complete this game. I've barely scratched 10%, but I also watch Jeopardy every night and then leave before Final Jeopardy, because I think it's absurd to devote so much air time to one question. To anyone who has actually completed it, sidequests and all, email me a list of whatever concentration-enhancing herbal supplements you are taking, because I could use those in my everyday life. Also, for anyone wondering why this isn't WarCrack here, I discounted MMOs because, let's face it, they're glorified chat rooms with inventory screens.

Blue Lantern: Left 4 Dead 2 (maybe Left 5 Dead?)

I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I HOPE this game is at least the game its predecessor was. An improvement on it would be nice, but let's stick with an equal for now. Left 4 Dead was a game whose charm you really couldn't resist.The good people at Valve promised 2-year's worth of updates for a game with actually very little content, if you really think about it. One major update later, they announce a sequel. Now, I feel slighted for being forced to buy another game (which includes the entirety of the first one that I paid $60 for.) when Valve has, in the past, released most of their DLC for free. Where are all my new maps? New enemies? New weapons? Oh, you put 'em in a box? And I have to buy them? And I might as well eat my old disc like I ate my iphone 3G (sans "S") or my Giant Stride feat card? And I have to give a cookie to anyone who uderstood that last reference? Thanks, guys! Actually, I have enough faith in Valve that I will unquestioningly (aside from those last few questions) buy Left 5 Dead. However, for me to feel satisfied with the purchase and stop griping about my missing free DLC, this better be a shining golden example of how to do a multiplayer gore-fest.

Indigo Tribe: Final Fantasy X
While VII in the high point in the series for many individuals, this game did something that is very rarely accomplished in an industry so chock-full of games where you play as a nameless, faceless bad-ass who Puts bullets in the throats and knives in arseholes of any terrorist, robot, Skrull, clone, alien, fat mercenary, ninja, or zombie in their (notoriously single-minded) path. It made me care about the characters. I teared up at the ending (lovelife-killing) revalation of Tidus' state-of-being. I felt so bad for Yuna's predicament and her grim acceptance of her lot in life. I felt like I was struggling with Rikku through her fight to be accepted while having to pretend she was something she's not. I truly appreciated Wakka's mindset-broadening character change (and, even int he beginning of the game, felt an earnest desire to see that he got to his special ed classes safely.) I managed to peer behing Lulu's enormous, distracting breasts . . . and into her heart. I sympathized with Kimari for being ostracized by his species (although if I saw any Ronso larger than him, I would be getting the fuck out of Dodge.) And I felt terrible for Auron because his shoes must always be worn out . . . from kicking everyone's ass all the time! By the end of the game, or interactive movie, you feel like these characters are your friends.

Star Sapphire: Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty
If we were playing the age-old "desert island" game, I couldn't live without my girlfriend, my cat, a way to stream limitless quantities of music, a copy of House of Leaves and this game and a way to play it. In terms of fun as hell gameplay, I'm normally more of an old-school guy. However, new technologies bring new opportunities for video games to weave engrossing, well-written stories. In the case of Hideo Kojima's long-running, much-loved Metal Gear Series, gameplay and story are amalgamated so perfectly well that you sometimes feel like these games are proof that God wants us to be happy. This installment, in my mind, is the pinnacle of the series. With so many different ways to play through the game, rewards for "playing smart" (circumventing normal play mechanics by finding outside-the-box (or inside-the-literal-box) solutions to the game's various problems) hilariously funny moments, tear-jerking emotional scenes, and most importantly - rock solid gameplay that never drags and never feels contrived, I can say without the slightest hint of doubt that this is the greatest game I've ever played. I find something new every time I go through it, and I've talked to people who have solved certain puzzles in ways I've never thought of. Admittedly, the plot is convoluted. Final Crisis convoluted. House of Leaves convoluted. Mulholland Drive convoluted. It definitely would take two play-throughs to really "get" what's happening, but if you could play through this game once and just not pick it up again, you're obviously mentally deficient anyway.

Black Lantern: Duke Nuke 'Em Forever
It's dead. Get over it! Really! That being said, if you can't get the rights to that character (and why? does he have a movie coming out?) then just take the level and weapon designs, which I'm sure you have, right? If not, you must have spent like ten fucking years accidentally shoving your keyboards up each others' asses! Anyway, take your game, erase Duke and throw in one of the aforementioned faceless bad-asses and release it. Everybody needs a mondless shooter now and again. Remember Serious Sam? That was a fun game! A really fun game which starred a guy who looked and acted suspiciously like Duke Nuke Em and had seriously endless waves of enemies, insultingly easy puzzles, and huge guns which should be outlawed and their creators imprisoned. And I bought three different incarnations of that game. Seriously, 3D Realms, change your protagonist's name to Puke Toke Em, make him a drunk, stoned frat boy, give him alien weaponry and mail the beta to my house. I want blood and tits and monsters and ill-written one-liners and I WANT THEM NOW!!!