Wednesday Comics

Applause! Applause! The much vaunted series of Newspaper-esque offerings from DC Comics is now underway. Tomorrow marks the 1/3 point of the series, which many may claim is too soon to voice my opinion on this most public of forums. However, as this IS the internet, I will tell those people to bite nuts and move right along. So, wondering whether or not to go back and start grabbing the back issues of WC (if you can even find #1, that is?) I'm going to have to say nein. I will gladly stand up and give all kinds of accolades to the good folks at DC for having the balls to do something different, especially in an industry where 95% or books are lazy writers and artists are re-hashing the same stale ideas for the nineteenth time, forcing those of us who long for the creativity that got us into the obsession in the first place to cling to some mediocre or sub-par creative teams ONLY because their ideas are fresh. Not that there aren't talented minds with something different to say, but they're a rare breed. That being said, Wednesday Comics contains a lot of those aforementioned golden children. However, their genius no more shines through in these weekly one-pagers as your favorite rock band would appeal to a newcomer who heard only a twenty-second song from the group. The artists get the lions share of exposure here, since every story is on a gigantic 16" X 22" sheet of newsprint while containing only maybe half a dozen word balloons. Lee Bermajo, who draws the Superman stories gained a particularly fervent fan in yours truly because of this series, and Mike Allred puts forth some of his usual brilliance illustrating one of my favorite DC Outsiders, Metamorpho, the Element Man. ANd on the flip side, what's up with Caldwell's Wonder Woman? One, It's so hard to even follow what's going on in that story because all the people and backgrounds look like melted Velveeta finger paintings, and two, Wonder Woman has probably never been flat-chested since she was like eleven. However, talented writers such as Neil Gaiman, Brian Azzarello, Kurt Buseik, and Paul Pope suddenly seem lackluster due to the restrictions imposed by the format. Particularly distressing are venerated humorist Kyle Baker, abandoning his poignant trademark mirth for a deathly serious take on Hawkman which completely falls flat, and Watchmen illustrator Dave Gibbons' story of Kamandi the Last Boy on Earth. Gibbons wrote critically acclaimed OGN The Originals, which certainly lived up to its name as an unforgettable, well-crafted story of rock music and Mod love, then betrays me by penning something which makes Sunday morning's Prince Valiant seem like a riotous romp by comparison. Yeah, one of comics' most infallible minds plus talking animals equals something that is a step down from Prince Valiant. Slightly more exciting than a blank page or a section of a phone book, but still pretty dull. Highlights include Dan DiDio's adequate Metal Men (yes "adequate" is a highlight.) and Kerschl and Fletcher's Flash, which is actually split into two sections, one focusing on The Fastest Man with a Personality of a Cardboard Standee Alive, Barry Allen, and one focusing on the inexplicable way more interesting Iris West-Allen. My favorite story of the bunch is the orgasm-inducing team-up of Jimmy Palmiotti and Amanda Conner on Supergirl (and two-thirds of the team (sans Justin Gray (nested parentheses, cool, huh?) )responsible for the superb ongoing series Kara's Earth-2 counterpart, Power Girl.) The story focuses on Kara chasing down the super pets, Streaky and Krypto, who have run wild. Yes, a story about a cat getting the midnight crazies and chasing a plane is my MVP pick of the book. Wow. (For more awesome animal stories, check out the four-issue Lockjaw and the Pet Avengers!) My other issues (lololololol) with the book are in the format. Yeah, the huge page layouts are cool at first, but you are really only getting a little story out of them. One page per week for twleve weeks, getting snippets of fifteen different stories is like putting up with your ADHD-prone friend's ipod on a long road trip. Also, from week to week, it's hard to remember the four second snippet of time you read about in the previous issue, making the plots seem weirdly disjointed (like reading Countdown again, but I'm crying due to bad writing AND the icky feel of newsprint on my hands.) Finally, when you are done reading it, have fun folding up that road-map-sized tablet of nuisance in your hands. Not only am I 24 and reading a giant-ass oversized comic book in the doctor's office, but I look all kinds of tard-tacular (trademarked! I want a nickel for every time someone says it.) when I can't return it to my briefcase in under seven or eight minutes. Also, these are going to be a bitch to preserve, even in polypropylene. Every bit of newspaper I've ever tried to save has gone yellow. No matter what I do, they're going to deteriorate. I have some clippings under glass that probably held up better than all else, but I'm not going to frame a comic, especially not a milk toast bland one. How about this: Fifteen one-shots, each printed on twelve oversize sheets of two-fool tall glossy pages, pre-creased. Problem solved? Problem solved! You're welcome DC Nation! It's almost as if I have some sort of training in stuff like this ;) Overall, Wednesday Comics will probably disappoint. However, since we vote with our wallets, throw a couple bucks DC's way and pick up one issue just because it was an interesting experiment. Who knows? You may like it more than I did. 3/10, and an A for effort.